he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
