I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
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i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
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Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.