Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
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Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
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Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.