just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.