You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.