I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
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It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
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Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room