omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.