My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
