Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I am one with the molecules
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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