I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
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I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
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Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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