there's paper in my vomit.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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