After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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