I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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