you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
