Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
