4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
