my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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