Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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