Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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