you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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