Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
