My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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