Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
