My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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