I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
