hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
