Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
