Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
