1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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