Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
