Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
