I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
