your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
