Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.