I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.