I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
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i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
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Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.