i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..