Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls