At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover