so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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