I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
