She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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