Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
