eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
