Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
