the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
