She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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