So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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