well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
