Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
