I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
