You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
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Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
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Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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