I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My ass is underappreciated
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
