Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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