I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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