the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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