my room smells like sperm. sweet.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Drunk is a universal language darling
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