1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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