I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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