Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
