soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
