Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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