he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Are we still banned from the library?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Can you bring me the toilet please
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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