What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
