Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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