my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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