not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
