I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
