Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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