if i can run in heels then i can drive
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Is that strawberry winking at me??
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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