That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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