Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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