??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
