nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
