you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
