my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
