My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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