The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
